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About 20 years ago, Wheelock College brought in trainers to teach a noncredit course for early educators called “Making Room in the Circle,” which covered how to welcome LGBTQ families into early childhood settings.

Some 50 early educators enrolled – and so did Wheelock professor Ellie Friedland along with other Boston area faculty. 

Ellie Friedland

“The idea was that Wheelock professors who took the course would then go on to teach a for-credit course for students,” Friedland says. 

“One of the stories I like to tell is that when I proposed the course to the faculty at Wheelock College, there were no questions. Everyone immediately said, of course.”

Friedland doesn’t teach the class on her own. 

“I’m straight and cisgender, so that’s something I use in various ways in my workshops. But I never teach the class alone; it has to be co-taught by someone who identifies as something other than straight.” 

“What we found was that there were always students who took the course because they were already immersed and active. And there were students who took the course because they didn’t know anything and felt the responsibility to learn. And there were students who took it because they were questioning their own identities. And for all students it was vital to have a professor they could identify with and feel comfortable with.” 

Today, Friedland is still a professor at Boston University Wheelock College of Education & Human Development, and she is still sharing the importance of welcoming LGBTQ+ families, teaching classes, running workshops, and talking to Strategies for Children’s 9:30 callers. 

We asked Friedland what barriers early educators face in welcoming families. 

Her answer: “Fear.” 

“People are afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. People are so afraid of being offensive that they do and say nothing. That’s why part of what I stress is that silence is never acceptance.” 

“I think there is also an underlying fear that straight people can have that if you’re talking about LGBTQ families or individuals, you are somehow talking about sex. That’s why I say very blatantly in my class, We are not talking about sex in any way, shape, or form. We are talking about families and the way people see themselves and the way people need to be accepted and respected.” 

Friedland says early education programs should have mission statements that are “explicitly inclusive,” and that they should fall back on these mission statements if a parent objects to participating in a community that welcomes LGBTQ+ families. 

How else can early educators handle objections? By starting on command ground: both the early educator and the parent want what’s best for the child. 

“You can’t be an adversary.” 

The next step is to ask, What are your concerns? 

“If somebody says, I don’t want my child to hear that story about two mommies, we might make some assumptions about what they’re concerned about. But often sitting down with somebody and going over the book or the lesson plan can ease their mind.” 

“You do not have to make somebody change their beliefs. You just let them know what you’re doing in school, that it’s not threatening, and that things can be different at school and at home.” 

“We’re really talking about families and the idea that all families need to be included regardless of whether we know if those families are in our school or our class.” 

What happens when an early educator isn’t comfortable with LGBTQ+ families or issues? 

“They can keep that belief,” Friedland says, “but they have a professional, ethical responsibility as an early childhood educator or provider to do no harm, and leaving out any family, leaving out any child’s life is doing harm.” 

Friedland also warns that one workshop or class is just the beginning of learning how to create welcoming communities. 

“You really have to choose to stay up to date. The language is always changing. Pronouns are changing. Some people find this irritating, but I find it exciting. Someone in one of my workshops talked about an issue that I’ve been wondering about, too, which is if there were more gender options when we were growing up, who would we see ourselves as?” 

 Want to learn more? Friedland shares a number of resources in her presentations. Some useful resources and organizations are: 

• Head Start Early Childhood Learning and Knowledge Center (ECLKC) – resources on books and partnering with families as well as a checklist for programs 

• Head Start ECLKC: Healthy Gender Development and Young Children 

• HRC Campaign Foundation’s Welcoming Schools – a bullying prevention program 

• Gender Spectrum – a nonprofit program that “works to create gender sensitive and inclusive environments for all children and teens” 

• Family Acceptance Project – “a research, intervention, education and policy initiative to prevent health and mental health risks for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer-identified (LGBTQ) children and youth,” and 

• PFLAG – which provides “support, information, and resources for lgbtq+ people, their parents and families, and allies” 

 Friedland also recommends several children’s books, including: 

• “Uncle Bobby’s Wedding,” by Sarah S. Brannen 

• “Who Are You?: The Kid’s Guide to Gender Identity,” by Brook Pessin-Whedbee, and 

• “Julián Is a Mermaid,” by Jessica Love 

Finally, Friedland, who isn’t a big fan of PowerPoint slides, offers this very human and inspiring advice: 

“Get to know somebody who’s different than you in these ways and talk to them.”